


between an aching head and an aching world

by gaygoroakechi



Category: Persona 5, Persona Series
Genre: Canon Compliant, Gun Violence, M/M, Persona 5 Spoilers, Sexual Tension, Unresolved Sexual Tension, i just wanted to write angst and if you know my writing thats what i do, is it unresolved if it ends in murder, its not like actual death but goro thinks its actual death so thats the part that matters, no beta we die like men, not a one shot since im gonna add a chp where goro reflects on it, not an interrogation room fic, p5 vanilla spoilers, so enjoy i guess!, so maybe another two shot, so this is uh. i have no excuse guys sorry, still cognitive though so technically still canon compliant
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-07-28
Updated: 2020-08-08
Packaged: 2021-03-05 19:27:59
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death
Chapters: 3
Words: 1,122
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25570576
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/gaygoroakechi/pseuds/gaygoroakechi
Summary: Joker dies in this one (or at least, Goro thinks he does).Sorry for making all my stories' names Fall Out Boy lyrics, I did it on purpose.
Relationships: Akechi Goro/Amamiya Ren, Akechi Goro/Kurusu Akira, Akechi Goro/Persona 5 Protagonist
Comments: 9
Kudos: 35





	1. joker dies in this one (Chapter One)

**Author's Note:**

> cw for gun violence, death, fucky mental stuff, etc

Akechi had a lot of practice, but he never thought that the act of murder would be so, well… _intimate._ Joker, the leader of the Phantom Thieves, was completely at Akechi’s mercy, directly under him panting. The loaded gun jutted harshly against Joker’s throat, where his Adam’s apple bobbed as he swallowed. Sweat dotted his forehead, shining weakly as he struggled to breathe. 

The velvet fabric of Joker’s clothes rubbed lightly against Akechi’s wrists, forcing him to acknowledge that Joker was all around him, encompassing. His onyx-colored eyes gazed pointedly at Akechi, an unspoken challenge to _shoot him now._ Every single cell in Akechi’s body screamed at him to _pull the trigger, to end this worthless trash’s life_ (just like he had done with all those others; he was just following orders, but this, Joker, felt so much different - why?) so he could get it over with and leave.

Akechi pressed his lips together hard, teeth gnawing at the inside of his cheek as he held the pistol against Joker’s exposed throat, his milky expanse of skin mocking him, _daring him to shoot._ Joker was splayed out under Akechi, who was straddling him on both sides, knees pressing uncomfortably into the hard jut of Joker’s hips. 

He was ready; everything they had done, every meeting, every single conversation over a cup of coffee in a delinquent’s café, had led up to this. He couldn’t fail now. 

He wouldn’t allow it. 

“Akechi,” Joker rasps, grabbing his wrist firmly with his silk-gloved hand. Akechi closes his eyes, tries not to think of everything that could’ve been, and pulls the trigger.


	2. akechi's reflection (Chapter Two)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Akechi thinks back on the day.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> if this is ooc im sorry also i wrote this on a kindle paperwhite do you know how hard that is

The night came, and time marched on relentlessly, even when Joker was gone. The loneliness bit at Akechi _hard_. It gnawed at his psyche and wormed its way into the back of his mind and poked at the corner of his vision. The shadowed bedroom of his apartment felt foreboding and less like a 'home' than a self-imposed prison. 

Joker was dead. It felt so _final_ , so different. Akechi had thought long and hard about death, since he was forced to deal with it early on. He had learned to detach himself as much as possible from the situation, and pretend as if it had simply happened to someone else. 

Joker, though, was impossible to act neutral on. Akechi couldn't act as though he hadn't been there, as though he hadn't been the one on top of Joker and hadn't shot him in the head without mercy. 

The worst part of it, though, was that Joker hadn't fought him. He didn't even look _surprised_. He had submitted, let Akechi overpower him even though he could've easily have fended him off. Akechi thought back to the panicked rise and fall of Joker's broad chest, and how his chiseled arms had flexed against his side as Akechi bestrode him.

_Why?_

Why had Joker done that? Why had he acted in such a different way? And what boggled Akechi's mind the most, what was he going to say when he had grasped Akechi's wrist? It all felt _wrong_ , incongruous with the Joker he knew. 

It pissed Akechi off.

What was wrong with him? Did he not see Akechi as worth fighting? Had he thought Akechi was _joking_ , or that he wasn't _really_ holding a loaded shotgun to his head? Had he been in a state of shock from his "friend" turning on him? The mere thought that Joker would even consider Akechi as someone who was anything but his rival, a traitor and a person who would inevitably betray him was laughable. Akechi was on the opposite end of Joker's viewpoint, and nothing either could say or do would change that. 

Had he even known Joker? Which part had been _Joker_ , and which part _Kurusu Akira_? Akechi pondered as he ran his hands through his tangled hair. He sighed in defeat, and rolled over on his side and stared at the moonlit wall. 

Maybe things hadn't gone according to plan.


	3. Day 2

Akechi awoke to the persistent  _ bzzt-bzzt  _ of his pager, and groggily picked it up to look at the time. It was 9 am. He blinked blearily, sleep washing away and panic setting in like a wave when his eyes focused on the time.

_ Shoot. Shoot, shoot, shoot.  _

_ Sae was going to kill him, _ he thought. He was supposed to be on the train by now! At this rate, Akechi was going to be late for work. He threw aside his covers and hurriedly buttoned on his shirt, slipping on his work shoes all the while. 

Damn Joker and his allure that kept Akechi up last night. 

He patted his hands on his thighs and pulled on his gloves. Akechi finished getting ready for the day quickly yet meticulously - he couldn’t afford a petty scandal over his appearances, especially not  _ now _ of all times. He checked his phone on his way to the train station - no new messages. 

Joker really was gone. Already his absence seemed to permeate the atmosphere, everything a stark reminder of his mannerisms. The gap he left hung over Akechi, and he felt a weight settle over his shoulders. 

Akechi grit his teeth, and kept walking. Why was he being so  _ sentimental  _ over his target? He hadn’t let himself feel this way in years, so why now, of all times? And over someone like  _ Joker,  _ no less. A delinquent and a thief. Attic trash that lived off the scraps of others like a parasite. Cocky and arrogant in one way, but also strong and rebellious when it came down to it, with a smile that cut through Akechi’s defenses like a razor. His laugh had been deep, serious yet soft - a paradox that Akechi liked to watch. The flexing of his defined muscles when he did acrobatic stunts in the-

He pushed the incoming thoughts of  _ that utter garbage  _ out of his head, and went to work. He had better things to do than to dwell on a target of his, and a target that had been the biggest criminal in all of Tokyo, no less. 

Akechi went through the turnstile, and halted when he passed the corner to a familiar sight. Here was the place he had first seen Joker. Here was the place he had first met _Kurusu Akira_ , a Shujin student on his way to school.

_ Damn it. _

He couldn't get Joker out of his head. His rival had managed to take over his mind to the point that he thought of him when he was boarding the train. The realization shocked Akechi so much that he had to clutch his silver briefcase to keep from dropping it on the grimy train floor. 

He had killed Joker, but at what cost?

**Author's Note:**

> leave a comment below or kudos if you liked it! if not that's okay too, but i'd appreciate the constructive criticism! ^_^


End file.
